you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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