So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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