i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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