Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
