I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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