but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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