it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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