honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
