you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
