from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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