Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
