Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
