While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize