I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
