there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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