I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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