No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
