Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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