its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
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