2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
