i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
