that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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