you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
