i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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