You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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