Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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