you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize