I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
