My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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