What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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