if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
