Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
