So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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