brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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