It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
