i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
