i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you traded sex for a burrito?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Semen is not good for contacts.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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