started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
