she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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