So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
