We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
