Me too!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
