My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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