So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
