I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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