she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
