I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
