And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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