if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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