Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
