Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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