mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My penis needs a shock collar
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
