Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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