oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
