he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
