I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
