I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
