i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
