so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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