Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
