You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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