dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
