Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
