Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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