she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
